Adventures in Online Dating: The Italian Stallion

Another treasure from my OKCupid inbox:

Well my name is ray an IM full Italian,I was born an lived in new York for 15.years.Im the type of man who shows his woman respect,charm,romance e,loyal.Well at the age of 15 i taught myself how to draw,i love to draw eagles,roses,fantasy ,people,dragons.I just started working with oil paints an it brings the art more alive.I would like to capture your beauty on painting an let you see what beauty i see for you through my eyes.I like all types of music an movies but i do have my favor movies is an American werewolf in London an for music it is papa roach.Im also the type of man who likes to cook a woman a nice candle light dinner an give her a dozen roses.There is something very special about me that you cant get from know other man on the planet.This is a drawing of a rose but its not just any rose it repersents all the beauty,caring,love for that woman.This will never die or lose its beauty an will grow till the end of time.This is how i will capture the love an beauty for the woman i really ..love.Im.. Not like all other men im looking for that special woman to capture her beauty an watch it grow till the end of ..time.So.. if you are looking for a man like this please get back to me an will see how it goes.One more thing you are a beautiful woman an don't let anyone tell you any different as. My yahoo id is italianstalion2002 so add me if you want to chat

Wow, that was painful.

And "italianstalion2002"? Check out his second picture. Does it match the image in your mind when you think "Italian Stallion?"

I'm starting to question which is worse: being divorced in my 30s, or being "out there" in my 30s.

Adventures in Online Dating: "Real Dude"

I received this in my OKCupid inbox. The subject line was "real dude." Here's the content:

wow a chick who wants to know how it works! my life long pursuit is to understand everything makes me an outcast in these mountains. Hello my name is ben i like your profile and want to know more about you so hit me up some time.

First of all, my profile says NOTHING about wanting to know how "it" - whatever "it" is - works. I mention that I have fun fixing things, but that's not the same as wanting to know how "it" works. I know how it works, dipshit - I just fucking fixed it myself.

Second, LOOOOVE the grammar and punctuation. Way to weed yourself out of the competition there, buddy. Be sure to swing by English 101 in your lifelong pursuit to understand everything.

Third, "hit me up some time" ? Take a look at his picture. Does this look like the kind of man that should be tossing around that phrase?

His profile offers a few more gems:

He's finishing "collage." Apparently how to spell "college" is not in the curriculum.

He's "not a big fan of the bar's." The bar's WHAT, exactly? The bar's stools? The bar's music? The bar's selection of adult beverages? The bar's shady patrons? The suspense is killing me.